Minority Report II

From the comments:

And--advertisers are whining because they can't target their CTA ads to specific neighborhoods?? Hello, this is a transit ad. Thus, "in transit". I can only imagine what kind of ads the Western bus would have to carry, to appeal to every ethnic and S-E group on the route.

Actually, that’s a great idea. The computer calls stops based on GPS satellite positioning these days, so why not the ads? Heading south from Touhy past Devon, all ads would be in Urdu and would make no sense to people unfamiliar with Bollywood films (“what’s the deal with the water buffalo?”). South through Ravenswood it would all be home improvement products, Home Depot probably, featuring the guy from This Old House working on a Queen Anne. Maybe a spot for a Korean grocery around Lawrence, followed by commercials for travel agents, in English, as the bus passes through Lincoln Square. Lakeview would be your standard TV fare, Target/Nike/iPod stuff.

South of the river, commercials for travel agents, in Spanish, would alternate with dada ads pitching $200 pairs of jeans by showing you hot chicks. These would continue on through Wicker Park, in the Village the iPod ads would start up again. South of Lake street there’s not much to pitch, ads would probably push DeVry, and also Hennessy. There would be something inane featuring a pro basketball player talking to a puppet.

The Illinois Medical District? Probably malpractice insurance. Local businesses advertising in Spanish would pick up south of Ogden and run through the canal. These ads would feature minor Spanish soap opera stars smiling way too wide. Tortillas and Tecate. And possibly Erik Estrada. A Polish beer commercial would run between 33rd and Archer, followed by a string of car dealerships and White Sox promotions, in both English and Spanish, through 55th Street. A couple spots in Arabic for immigration lawyers would probably find an audience here, too.

West Englewood could be done in style, with funky Jheri Curl ads and BET spots, but I suspect that it would really be annoying, with megachurches alternating with malt liquor and cigarette ads, just like the billboards. Also movie ads, which could be cool depending on the movie.

South of 71st, cars and sitcoms, as well as more home-improvement ads, this time featuring black actors. Definitely a spot for the Target at 86th and Cottage Grove.

From 87th Street through the end of the line at 103rd, ads would feature Guinness, Aer Lingus, and fundraisers for the Irish Republican Army.

Unless you’re running express, there’s time for a captive audience to take in maybe two hours of ads on this line! The CTA should definitely look into this. At least until they come out with those cool holographic ads that access all of your personal information from your retina scan and use it to market to you personally, like in that creepy Tom Cruise movie. It's closer than you realize (thanks for the link, Trope).