My irregular musings on city life, politics, baseball, roller derby, and whatever happens to be getting my goat today.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Windy City Blues is resigned to present this inaugeration eve interview with the now duly elected POTUS. You people voted for this, so don't go blaming me for it.
Harvey: Congratulations on your re-election, sir.
W: Thank you, bunnyboy. I've earned it. Capital, that is.
HR: Political capital?
W: All kinds of capital. By which I mean Power. Which is what it's all about, if you think about it.
HR: Some people say that's what the Iraq war is really about - preserving American power, PANAC, that sort of thing.

W: Yeah, those crazy Jewish boys! I love those guys! My brother used to hang with them in the 90s! Great guys. Wolfie cheats at poker and Richie Perle can't handle his schnapps, but otherwise a great bunch of guys all around.
HR: So that's why you attacked Iraq? To pursue their vision of American hegemony in a unipolar world?
W: Hell no.
HR: Then why?
W:I attacked the birthplace of civilization as a . . . symbolic . . . gesture. I intend to end it once and for all.
HR: Terrorism?
W: Civilization.

HR: I see.
W: Do you? It has a sissifying influence on people.
HR: Civilization . . .
W: Exactly. Dilutes the gene pool. Re-directs resources from the strong to the weak. That sort of thing.
HR: The gene pool?
W: Look, civilization - what you'd call civilization, anyway, is too complicated. It's inefficient. It interferes with the natural state of competition. Dilutes it. Weakens it. Do you see that?
HR: What's the alternative?
W: It's what I like to call The Ownership Society.
HR: And what, exactly . . .
W: I thought that was pretty obvious. The people that own society would get to run it. Just like it says. You read the Bible, Harvey?
HR: Parts.
W: The Old Testament. Before the Hebrews settled down, back when they were pure. Abraham, Moses, those guys. How did they live?
HR: They wandered around the desert, half starved.
W: Well, yes. They wandered. They didn't need a state. They had family. Family was the unit of society. They didn't need secular laws or police, because they had religion to guide them. Struggle and competition made them strong, potent, virile.
HR: Yeah, but what happened when they had to interact with people with different beliefs or values?
W: They killed them. I believe this is what secular liberal scientists refer to as "natural selection."
HR: It sounds like you believe in evolution after all.
W: I'm not going to comment to that. This is the kind of media entrapment that distracts the public from the issues at hand.
HR: Are you afraid of riling your evangelical base?
W: They need a shepherd in these perilous times. And a shepherd needs sheeps, or else he's unemployed.
HR: I don't understand.
W: No, you don't, bunny-boy.
HR: So if you don't believe in the state, what's with the USA PATRIOT Act? Guantanamo and the "Gulag Archipeligo?" The FCC for Chrissakes?
W: I AM the state, Harvey. I mean to replace the state with the family. Specifically my family. Anyway, what good is power if you don't use it, know what I mean?
HR: One last question, Mr. President. Who's your favorite Desperate Housewife?
W: Edie Britt. You?
HR: I like Bree Van de Camp.
W: The ice queen with the hair? Is there a reason you're a pink bunny, Harvey?
HR: Hatemonger.
W: Fruit.

1 comment:

Trope said...

PNAC sets my teeth on edge. I kept poking around the website, wondering if it was a well-written parody. No signs yet. This is the dark side of what the blog world has done to us--we are even more likely to disbelieve anything that doesn't sound quite right. Not that we didn't do that previously with the print media.
Now I'm wondering: is it possible that Harvey Rabbit really did interview the President? Perhaps Giblets really is taking over the world! Who's to say, anymore?