Harvey Rabbit: Woody? Woody? Where ya been, man?
Elwood Grobnik: Crap, I’m hearing things again. And the new meds were working so well!
HR: Dude, come on! It’s been the most amazing year. Why don’t you have anything to say about it?
EG: About what?
HR: About what! Freaking Michele Bachmann ran for President. MICHELE BACHMANN!!! And you don’t have anything to say?
EG: Yeah yeah, her and the pizza guy too. But they didn’t win any primaries, did they?
HR: Well, no. But they led some polls and were darlings of the Republican base.
EG: If you can’t win any Republican primaries with the support of the Republican base, maybe those words don’t mean what you think they mean.
HR: See, there you go, you do have something to say.
EG: I have more important things to do than blog, Harvey. Or talk to invisible rabbits, so why am I still talking to you?
HR: Your wife is at the gym, your kid’s asleep, and talking to yourself would be crazy? What’s so important anyway? What have you been up to?
EG: Lots of stuff. Taking my kid to the roller derby…
HR: Eh, Windy City. Big fish, small pond. The Atlanta Braves of the WFTDA. They were a washout at Nationals last year. Got the first round bye for winning the region, then got a beatdown.
EG: The travel team is better this year.
HR: Based on what. Based on one bout?
EG: Based on Kola Loka.
HR: Point taken. Speaking of sports, it’s Opening Day!
EG: I heard that somewhere, yeah. The Cubs? Not better this year.
HR: Yeah? They have some exciting young talent coming up…
EG: I have been here before with the Opening Day anticipation. They may only lose 85 games this year. Yay? When some of the players you’re most excited about are still in Double-A, it’s not your year. Anyway, with Cincinnati, Milwaukee and the defending World Champs in the division, the Cubs are locked in a hotly contested race for fourth place. With the Pirates. Although Cincinnati decided to not be a contender when they signed this ridiculous contract with Votto.
HR: But Votto’s good. Really good.
EG: Yeah, and they signed him through 2023. 2023 for fuck’s sake! My kid will be 16. He’s gonna be like, c’mon dad, let me get a driver’s license, you’re the worst dad ever, and I’m gonna be like take the bus, that’s why we live in the city, you lazy bum, and Joey Votto will be 40, and the Reds or possibly the Yankees will owe him $25 million dollars for I think the fourth year in a row, and they can’t afford it. They’re still going to be a small market team, unless Cincinnati turns into a real major city, which hello? Have you been there lately? It’s seen better days.
HR: Well, at least you’re talking. Predictions? Politics? Sports? Culture?
EG: Obama is re-elected. Windy City Rollers make it to the semi-finals. Detroit vs. Texas in the ALCS…
HR: Wait a minute, aren’t we going to get three playoff teams from the AL east with the new Wild Card system?
EG: What we’re going to get is Verlander.
HR: They had Verlander last year…
EG: This year they have more offense, too.
HR: But no cubs love?
EG: LOTS of Cubs love. That’s my team. But they aren’t very good. Fortunately, we’ll always have Wrigley.
HR: So, knocking off work to go to the game today?
EG: Hell, no. Been there, done that, it was COLD. We’ve had 8 or 9 80 degree days this spring, take THAT global warming skeptics, but today, mark my word it will be ass cold.
HR: That part of the curse?
EG: There’s no curse.
HR: No? The goat? Bartman?
EG: Anybody can have a bad century. And Alex Gonzalez dropped the ball, dude. Don't blame Steve...